This past Thursday, I went on a blind date. We went to a brewery, had some burgers and a couple beers. Everything was fine, she’s nice enough and I’d probably see her again. Comes to the end of the date, she uses the restroom as I get the bill. She comes back and after a couple minutes says she’s really tired and is ready to go, kind of gives me a side hug and says thanks for the date. I was like, well wait a minute, I’ll walk you out…she grabbed her stomach and said, okay, but I have to use the restroom again. She had ordered a burger called “Death By Cheese Burger”, so me, with a sense of humor texted her right after she left for the restroom again “maybe that burger will be the death of you after all” So I’m waiting for her for a couple minutes, watching the Baltimore/Jets game when a waiter comes up to me and asks if I’m there with someone, I confirm that I was. They asked if it was a woman that went to the bathroom, I again confirmed. They then tell me that she’s passed out on the floor over there. So I go over there and sure enough, there she is on the floor, but she’s concious and talking to a few good samaritans that are aiding her. At this point, I’m not sure what to do, I’ve only known her for a few hours, but I go over to her and kneel down and make sure she’s okay. Someone is on the phone with an ambulance, my date is in the medical field and says she doesn’t need an ambulance, she sits up and says she’s fine, just light headed, but still needs to use the restroom. That’s when I noticed an odor… So a couple of the ladies there help her to the bathroom. As she stands up, there’s a wet spot on the floor and I turn and look and there’s a matching wet spot on her ass. That’s right boys and girls, my date passed out and shit herself on our first date… After a few minutes one of the ladies comes out and says my date is okay, but wants me to leave before she comes out due to embarrassment. I can obviously sympathize with her, so I left. What a way to end a date
Thought you all would enjoy that and maybe have some other horror stories to share about dating…
We’ve texted a few times since, I haven’t brought it up and neither has she lol but I told her I’d go out with her again simply based on the fact that I couldn’t embarrass myself any worse than she was.
The most awkward moment I’ve had on a date is when we were in bed together and suddenly her dogs started barking. She jumps out of bed, says it could be her husband and he’d be pissed, then told me to go hide in the bathroom. WTF? Clearly her home situation was a little different than she described on the date! Luckily it turned out to be a squirrel or something, not her husband. I finished up (not going home with blue balls) and the next day let her know I had no interest in ever seeing her again.
Blind date. She picks Olive Garden. Comes in dressed like Laura Ingalls/Little House on the Prarie, except a good 60 pounds heavier. Eats 2 entrees and obsessively vocalizes that this is the nicest restaurant she has ever been in. Not really bright country girl. Pounds 2 schooner sized mixed drinks. Gets sloppy drunk.
Longest 2 hours of my life. Put her in a cab and vowed no more blind dates.
I don’t have anything truly crazy, but the oddest thing a woman told me on a date was that she wasn’t a virgin, but was still saving herself until marriage. Whatev. That relationship didn’t last long. I should have asked her if that meant the holy matrimony organs were off limits, but the back door was open for business. I probably would have ended the relationship much sooner if I had asked that. Not that what followed the first date was particularly memorable.
I dated a girl after college and was quite serious with. Definitely was out of my league with her and thought I found bliss. A knockout, with me! Evenings and dates out where memoirs of manly dreams. Then she opened her mouth.
Lets just say, she was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Brought her to a family holiday dinner once and she was blathering on. With me shrinking into the chair, while my dad’s smiles snidely, eyeing me.
After an hour or so she told me she was fresh out of rehab for cocaine and sex addiction, so of course I said, “Well, if you ever fall off the wagon…”. I know, stupid, unfeeling, but I have a hard time letting some things go by. It wasn’t a date, it was a pickup, and although I had been around she passed on some valuable lessons before kicking me to the curb. It was never going to be anything more than just sex for both of us but still, some good memories.