Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Detroit Lions | Defector

I wanted to hate this article but I kept laughing for the first half of it. It gets a little mean at the end but the author sounds like one of us (I don’t know which one).


Drew Magary I believe is a Lions fan… don’t quote me on that but I think he has some sort of ties to the area/team.

Obviously an attempt at satire and they do this every year for all the teams. I don’t know he actually believes all this but who knows. The criticism was a little far reaching though, especially “what has Dan Campbell done” ummm he was a HC and assistant HC to one of the more successful teams in the league, coordinator experience is not a prerequisite for being a HC. The other, “Darren Fells will be your starting TE” and not even mentioning Hock… I mean that’s just blatant disregard and cherry picking of what to criticize.

What has Goff accomplished, Eminem always sucked (I believe I have read things before where he spoke about Eminem and liked him, again, don’t quote me but I do recall something like that in the time I’ve been haphazardly reading his stuff).

Anyway, meant to be a hater article and he said a lot of the dumb stuff people on local radio do. Proof will be in the pudding! Can’t wait to start getting some wins under our belt. Errrr, kneecaps.


Ok did a little Google searching, he has spoken about the Lions like he cares… not sure that makes him a “fan” or not but anyway. He did however go to Michigan at one point. And he’s always made fun of Eminem. I was just confused. That’s why I said don’t quote me!

Otherwise he is a good writer, I enjoy reading his stuff when I can. This will all be resolved in a few months when we see if we have the makings of a good staff or we are just SOL all over again

My favorite line


We traded for a quarterback who notoriously cannot do anything on the field other than follow the coach’s explicit instructions and then hired a coach whose instructions are to bite off the opponent’s knee caps


He is a Vikings fan, a long suffering one who is happy to knock more than a few quips/jokes out of it.

Magary is a funny dude.

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Drew Magary is a Browns lifer. Everyone knows this.

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We are all Drew Magary

spartacus GIF


I was wondering where Drew ended up after leaving Deadspin…

This one really hurts:

It’s possible that I will see the day when our last championship is closer to Abraham Lincoln being alive than to present day. Only 29 more years to go.


Now I know that guy reads The Den. We play that game here a couple times a year.

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Brutal but that’s probably how others view lions


When I get together with the boys for cigars, I stand and acknowledge that I’m Partagas…

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Everybody does, including the trash from The Ticket.

You guys ever read this? It’s pretty fun. Kind of a little bit like Snow crash meets Survivor (the Palahniuk novel not the reality show).


I have not but will check it out for sure! Thanks for the recommendation

It’s like a glimpse into past and upcoming 2021 game threads…this guy get’s it.

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I thought it was pretty good. I was a little surprised after reading Magary for a long time that it wasn’t funnier, but then I suppose one would be a little more serious when trying to make it as a writer. And it still had its funny moments.

Yeah, I’d agree that it did feel like he restrained himself on the humor side bc he’s undeniably a very funny guy. I still did find it humorous in an absurdist sort of way. That’s why I brought up Snow Crash though The Postmortem doesn’t pile on the cyber punk motifs like that. And then there is definitely that Palahniuk like nihilism at play in Magary’s effort. I thought it was a good though not great novel but it was a real page turner. Perfect for the cross country flight I was on. Survivor is definitely my favorite of that style of novel.

Yeah, I’m an airplane reader as well. Makes the flight go much faster. Can’t remember if that’s where I read the Postmortem but there’s a decent chance. I read Snow Crash too but it was a looooong time ago, didn’t it sort of invent cyberpunk? Or popularize it anyway? I guess Philip K. Dick came first but I don’t think he’s all that great.

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This quote sounds like the epitome of Lions:
“. After this season, Glenn and Staley will get hired by other teams and immediately take those teams to the playoffs while you people remain stuck at the bottom of the well. I’ve seen this process play out before.”
Surprise to none, I loved this article.