I have jury duty. I don’t want jury duty. Anyone know if that say a bunch of bigoted stuff and don’t get selected tactic actually works 
Nope. That’ll land you in even more hot water.
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Just pretend to have a bad case touretts syndrome. Hasn’t failed me yet.
If you try to make something up, just don’t make it medical. That’s just inviting bad karma from a human and integrity standpoint. If you walk in there and say “my kid is terminal and may die anytime in the next month.”… well you’ll get out of jury duty but you’re also going to Hell.
You could tell them you’re a lifelong Lions fan and the team’s recent success has left you questioning your sexual orientation any time you see Dan Campbell memes?
(If I were a judge, I’d understand)
This alone should get you out.
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How about, “Your honor, after watching the 2020 and 2021 New York Giants I couldn’t possibly listen to any Judges.”
Just be intelligent and reasonable. No lawyer wants that tainting a jury.
I saw someone get dismissed from a jury pool by saying “That guy just looks guilty” during the screening. The judge passed him over a lot longer than the guy who went on a diatribe about how only god knows if someone is innocent or not. Lesson learned? Don’t try anything clever. Make it clear that you are an asshole and the court will move on to someone else.
I’ve got it in the bag
Sometimes in life momma was right. “Just be yourself”
I was at the jury selection part where the guy said “aren’t they guilty until proven innocent?” He was dismissed.
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CuriousHusker’s neighbor in the clink: why are you in here?
CuriousHusker: making a sh!tty Joe Judge pun
My dad was summoned in the mid-'70s. He couldn’t afford to miss work, we were not rich. So on the initial interview, dad interrupted and said ; “I have 100% faith in my police department. If the man is arrested, the man is guilty”.
They excused him said have a nice day.
Excuse from jury duty:
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Public necessity…. Add-lib as needed
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other reasons deemed necessary by the courts …. Lions fan
What about IBS… just eat some taco bell before the questioning period. Tell them you have nasty IBS. Extra points if you wear a diaper and drop a shit in the jury box.
You got this man. We believe in you.
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I’ve had jury duty a couple times, never been picked for a case. I think I keep getting passed over because I am way too willing to judge someone’s fate and it’s very obvious.
Do you know if Walmart sells foam number 1 fingers that say “guilty”?
I would dress wildly inappropriate And develop a cough wink wink
