neigh
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Two peanuts walking down the street, one was a salted.
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Hear about the duck farmers dance party?
They were all getting down
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Here is a dirty joke for yaā¦
A white horse fell into the pig pen
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After 125 years of research, scientists have discovered why the Scots wear kilts.
And the answer is thanks to Charles Darwin.
Careful behavioral study, dissection and GPS trackers have shown undoubtedly that the ear canal and bones inside the ears of Scottish sheep are 50% larger than their Irish cousins.
Careful testing has shown that these super hearing sheep, through centuries of natural selection, are able to discern the sound of a pants zipper being undone at over 200 yards away!
Isnāt science amazing??
Also, yeah, Iām not a real good dad.
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Why canāt you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
The P is silent
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My Scottish buddy who I met overseas had a different theory. He loved to rip nasty farts any time he had his kilt on. He always said the main reason to go commando style under the kilt was to ensure you can clear a room with your beer farts. lol and he took this very seriously. The smells were so bad, itās stuck in my memory forever.
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Yeah and the worst thing about them sheep is you have to turn 'em around to kiss 'em. Ask a Scott what his favorite song is and chances are itās, āI Want Ewe to Want ME!ā, by Sheep Trick.
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HILARIOUS
When I was in the Oil & Gas industry, I was on this project. I knew the NDT (testing/X-ray guys). I helped this welder get trained and promoted. AS SOON as he promoted, he started being a dick to the Mexican dudes.
I started doing the same to him.
We were running a gas line across these farmerās fieldsā¦We came up to this goat farmer north of Atlanta, and in the morning safety meetingā¦I went through the usual stuff, then I started addressing the farmerās property, etc. In a very serious tone, āIf ANY of these baby goats come out looking like Kyle, you guys tell me immediately.ā The guys loved it. Kyle was the dude that was being mean to his crew. Super fun. I had a talk with him, and he calmed down considerably after a week or so of these sorts of jokes.
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Traveling salesman is driving down the road and seeās a guy going to town on a goat in a field. The salesman decides to stop and tell the homeowner. Not seeing any adults around he tells the young man standing in the yard, āHey some asshole is servicing a goat in that field over there.ā The young man replies, āThatās no asshole, thatās my Daaaadd.ā
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LOL
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Donāt have to.
Where do crazy people ride bikes???
.
.
on the cycle pathā¦.
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want some ice cream Ernie?
Sure Bert
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A man walks into a psychiatry officeā¦ wearing no clothesā¦ but is covered only with saran wrapā¦
The psychiatrist looks up and muttersā¦
āwellā¦. I can clearly see your nuts!ā
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pet store has a bird for saleā¦ named Chet.
with a sign that claims he can sing Christmas songs.
Interested customer asks what he singsā¦ and the bird goes quiet.
Customer is not impressed.
After some verbal proddingā¦. the store associate pulls out a lighter and fires it up under the birdās tail feathersā¦.
out of the blueā¦ the bird starts singingā¦
āChetās nuts roasting on an open fireā¦ā
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OK, more Dad jokes than you ever wantedā¦
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How much do pirates charge for corn?
ā¦ā¦a buck an ear.
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When I was 7 for Halloween I wore a pirate captain outfit and Iāll have to say it was pretty on point I mean the whole thingā¦eye patch, sword, the sash, epaulettes, the fake peg leg and even the big hat.
On point.
When we went up to old Mrs. Kellyās house down the street, she was very impressed and asked me where I keep my buccaneers?
To which I replied, āUnder my buckinā hat!ā
No candy was givenā¦
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hahahahaha - Niiiice!
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