A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel stuck to his junk. The bartender says “Hey captain, you have a wheel on your crotch!” and the pirate replies “Yarr, it’s driving me nuts!”
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3 Bulls living on a ranch in Montana heard the rancher was bringing in a 4th bull.
The first bull says “I have been here 5 years and accumulated 100 cows. I have seniority on this ranch. I ain’t giving up any of my cows to this new bull!!!”
The second bull says “Well I have been here 3 years and accumulated 50 cows and no way am I giving this new bull any of my cows either!!!”
The third bull is the youngest and feistiest of the three, super cocky and he says “Shit, I have only been here a year and only have accumulated 20 cows. I don’t have any cows to spare. I’ll kick this new bulls ass all over this ranch if he try’s to take any of MY cows”
Just then a truck pulls up to the pasture and the rancher unloads the biggest, meanest looking bull in the state of Montana. The bull is massive.
The first bull, staring at the massive new bull says “On second thought, I have WAAY to many cows. I am gonna give the new guy 1/2 of mine as a Welcome Gift.”
The second Bull replies “Yea, I don’t want the new guy to feel threatened, so I will give him 1/2 of mine too.”
They look over at the third bull and he is snorting loudly, stomping his foot and pawing the ground while shaking his horns back and forth violently.
The first bull says “Son…seriously, don’t be a fool. Just give him 1/2 your cows!”
The 3rd bull says “Shit…he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!!!”
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A man walks into his doctor and says, “Doc, sometimes I think I’m a wigwam and sometimes I think I’m a teepee… what’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “It’s obvious, you’re too tense.”
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A few from the master himself…
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If only he could have avoided the Red Head, the same way he avoided those would be tacklers.
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