From the over 40 to the under 30…
2 Likes
17 Coors Light…. lol buy more water
2 Likes
This morning I accidentally left the front door unlocked and when I got out of the shower there was a weird, old, fat guy standing there naked and aroused staring at me …
turned out to be just me looking at the mirror.
2 Likes
Are you Canadian?
Asking for a family member.
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With the way the Tigers have been playing it should be all you can drink beer for free
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I once loved a woman of healthy proportions if that counts?!?!?!
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10 cent beer disco demolition night at Comerica Park.
3 Likes
By the 5th inning!
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What do you call a plane full of bald people?
Receding airline.
3 Likes
Hey, that was the name of my late uncle’s band. They mostly played Jimmy Buffet covers at resort bars along the Gulf coast.
2 Likes
Unc sounds like a cool dude (rip)
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year. And every year, Morris would say, “Esther, I’d really like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther would always reply, “I know, Morris, but that helicopter ride costs $50, and $50 is $50.”
One year at the fair, Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I may never get another chance.” Esther replied, “Morris, that helicopter ride is $50, and $50 is $50.”
The pilot overheard their conversation and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire flight and not say a word, I won’t charge you anything. But if you say even one word, it’ll cost you $50.” Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went.
The pilot performed all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He pulled off one daredevil trick after another, but they remained completely silent.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell, but you never said a thing. I’m impressed!”
Morris nodded and replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out… but you know, $50 is $50.”
6 Likes
So, there’s a wealthy penguin, and he decides he wants to see the world by car. He buys a Land Rover and has it shipped to the southernmost point of South America. He takes a boat there and starts driving north.
He sees the sites in South and Central America, makes good time through Mexico. He crosses into Arizona in the middle of July. As he’s driving through Phoenix on his way to see the Grand Canyon, his Land Rover breaks down.
Fortunately, there’s a Land Rover dealership nearby, so the penguin has the vehicle towed there for service. The head mechanic tells the penguin to walk around and kill some time, and he’ll get the problem diagnosed right away.
The penguin starts walking around the little downtown area nearby. He’s enjoying it, but it’s hot as balls, and he really needs to cool down.
The penguin goes into an ice cream shop. He’s sweating bullets, and he says to the owner, “Hey, I have a weird request. Can I get into your ice cream freezer to cool off? I can’t survive without doing that. I’ll pay you $1,000.”
The ice cream shop owner is reluctant, but he wants the cool grand, so he agrees. “Okay, but you have to stay in the mostly-empty vanilla container, because I’ll have to throw away anything you touch.”
The penguin jumps in and rolls around in the vanilla ice cream container. The cold is refreshing and invigorating. After about 10 minutes, the mechanic calls and asks the penguin to return to the dealership.
The penguin hops out of the freezer, pays the thousand bucks, and rushes towards the dealership. On his way there, he starts to regret not grabbing napkins or something, as the vanilla ice cream is melting and getting sticky. He’s not too worried, though, as he figures he’ll just take a shower at the hotel after he finds out what’s going on with his car.
He walks into the service department, and the head mechanic is there waiting for him with the diagnosis of his Land Rover. “Looks like you blew a seal,” he said to the penguin.
The penguin looks at the mess on his wings and chest and says, “Oh, no… that’s just ice cream.”
6 Likes
